Geezzz.....it's been a while....

...I guess this is what a week off and a road trip do to me!

Well another yearly cycle down (although the last month has been more about simply running), another way to somehow find more ways to challenge (and frustrate) myself.

This year has almost been a tale of two stories. The Fall where things seemed to get back on track and the Winter/Spring which was a real grind. I have a handful of ideas on why things became such a grind and why things didn't go as planned from life, training and a lack of enjoyment in training, which almost seemed to translate into racing (not that this is a surprise).

The last 5-6 weeks were probably the best example of this and I now find myself both frustrated and burnt out, while also excited and PO'd. After the Ottawa debacle I had some great training, but I lacked the emotion or passion for racing. It got to the point where I never really wanted to hurt, was fearful of taking chances and shut down at the first sign of problems (wow I sound really pessimistic). As with the previous year I found myself running 'tight', while also simply going through the motions.

The problem over the latter stages of this yr is that I am a runner who feeds off anger and emotion and once Ottawa disappeared I couldn't get beyond that date to actually mentally focus on racing.

It's one thing I have done well and poorly in the past. I am a very goal focussed person who tends to have a 'type B' personality and it takes me a long process to prepare for only a handful of events in a 'type A' sort of way. I realized at a young age that this was how I functioned (probably due to only running a few events per yr when I was in HS, but also my personality).

The one thing I’ve come to realize is that I have become a slave to the process. It’s the on thing that as I get older I appreciate more and more. The process is where I learn about things. Even when it doesn’t go as hoped, planned and most importantly expected (based upon training) I trudge along. My only fear now is that I am trudging too much and not pushing enough. It may end up being the singular reason I give up this marathon gig stuff, as I find I don’t have enough ‘sense of urgency’. For now I sit on my bottom, have a lousy diet and contemplate what’s going to change to achieve success. My wife hates this stage of me, moresoe than when I am training. I become the extreme version of my 'type B' tendencies....